Stronger Than I Am
by dreamer.dancer.writer
Summary: Danny is diagnosed with cancer and it just about breaks Dougie. Can he continue in a world without his love? Small ONESHOT SLASH TEARJERKER. Just the last few hours in Danny's life, might make you cry. Better than it sounds, promise. R&R pretty please


**_A/N YAY new Pones oneshot :D Really quite proud of this, though cried the Amazon whilst writing it :') Possibly the saddest thing I've written yet, which is saying something as all of the fics I've written so far have been sad and depressing. I actually seem to be only able to write depressing, sad things. Writing happy, fluffy things just doesn't happen for me. Says a lot about me really :L I like reading tragic stuff as well. I'm such a freak :L  
>Anyway, enjoy this beauty of a oneshot :D (keep writing oneshit, it makes me giggle :L)<br>Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Danny, Dougie, Tom or Harry as much as I'd love to. If you could buy them with 15p, which is approximately all the money I have in the world at the minute, I'd be laughing. But you can't, so instead they shall live on in my head and stories.  
>Ooo, as a side note isn't the news of Whitney Houstens death just horrible and shocking? Such talent, gone to waste and at quite a young age. RIP. <em>**

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><p><strong><strong>Dougie should've seen the signs.

He knew he should've and could've seen them, if only he'd been looking. And he had been looking, watching his boyfriend every possible minute. Dougie knew he'd been looking, but not seeing.

Not seeing how thin Danny had got, how pale, how weak. Danny could barely pick his guitar up by the time any of the boys had realised something was wrong. Danny had hid it well though. He'd worn baggier clothes than usual, not letting Dougie see him undressed. He'd simply pretended to be as strong as usual, doing everything he used to. He'd blamed the paleness on work exhaustion, which had been fair enough as they had been stupidly busy rehearsing for their tour and writing new stuff.

The tour that would never happen.

The pain in Dougie was weak today. An empty ache that never went again. Often worse, occasionally better. Dougie knew the pain would never go away. Not when the boy he loved was lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life.

Dougie let out a broken sob, then another and another. They racked his thin frame. Dougie wasn't stupid. He knew he hadn't been eating or sleeping properly for months but he didn't care. He just wanted to be at his boyfriends bedside every waking moment.

The bed Danny shouldn't be in if life was in any way, shape or form fair. Danny shouldn't be ill, he shouldn't have to fight for his life every single minute because Dougie stupidly hadn't seen the signs and made him go to a doctor. Danny had known something was wrong but hadn't wanted to worry his boyfriend or other friends.

And now he was dying.

Dougie was beating himself up inside, what ifs flying round his head. What if Danny had gone to a doctor sooner. What if Dougie had noticed something was wrong with his boyfriend and made him go to a doctor. What if it hadn't all been Dougies fault. What if, what if, what if. They flew round his head, never leaving him alone.

Most of them blamed Dougie himself for Danny's illness. Dougie knew it was his fault it hadn't been caught sooner. Dougie was Danny's boyfriend, meant to protect him from the world. And he'd failed. Failed to see all the signs, failed to get Danny to a doctor sooner, failed on everything.

And now Dougie was sat gazing at his one true love, his only love. He looked so pale and weak in the bed, hooked up to a multitude of machines. Dougie didn't know what they did, nor did he care. The only thing that mattered was that it was Danny in the bed, every breath he took fought for, every heart beat numbered.

Dougie knew Danny was approaching the end. Approaching the day when he'd never open his eyes again and let Dougie gaze into their starry, bright depths. Never whisper in Dougies ear that he loved him and would never let him go. Never curl up on the sofa with Dougie again and while away a whole day, doing nothing but eating crap and watching movies. Never lie in bed together, hugging and kissing whilst the sun streamed through the window and made everything golden.

All gone.

And it was Dougies fault.

Dougie let the tears fall onto his boyfriends feeble torso and cast his mind back to the day they'd found out Danny was dying.

It had started off like any other day. Danny and Dougie had woken up together, embraced for a while in their king sized double bed before getting up and dressed and grabbing breakfast before heading over to the studios to meet Tom and Harry for rehearsals.

The rehearsals had gone like every other rehearsal to start with. They had been working hard, banter flying round the room. Having a laugh, the last laugh before everything went wrong and the world would never be the same again. It wasn't till close to the end of the day, as they approached the end of a particularly long song, with plenty of both vocal and guitar solos for Danny.

Dougie had been watching him closely through this song, his fingers automatically plucking the notes out on his bass in the right order. He'd watched Danny get paler and paler and seem to flag a little, but as he'd kept going, Dougie hadn't been too worried.

It wasn't until Danny was in the middle of the last long, drawn out note that it had happened. Danny had simply stopped singing, looked around in a confused daze and then collapsed to the floor.

Dougie had screamed and ran over to his boyfriend. He knelt down next to Danny and collapsed over the guitarist, hugging and kissing him. For the first time, Dougie felt just how skinny Danny had got in the last few weeks. His ribs were prominent and his hip bones dug into Dougie. Dougie sobbed harder and harder as he realised his boyfriend was really sick.

The next minutes, hours, days passed in a blur. Dougie barely ate and slept, just sitting at Dannys bedside the whole time. He'd not taken any notice of anyone or anything, just staring at Dannys frail, unconscious frame, crying.

Then there had been the prognosis.

Cancer.

And it was terminal. There was nothing anyone could do for Danny anymore. Dougie had lost all hope then. Something had died inside the younger boy.

************  
>And now, barely two weeks after that day, they were here. Nearing the end of Dannys life. It was too much for Dougie. He wanted to die along with Danny.<p>

Suddenly, Danny gave a weak cough.

"Danny" breathed Dougie through his tears.

"Dougs" replied Danny quietly, in a broken voice.

"Oh Danny, please don't die. I don't know what I'd do without you, I can't live without you. I love you Danny. I love you so much but you're leaving me and I can't deal with it" Dougie cried desperately. Danny smiled sadly up at the love of his life.

"I'm sorry Dougs, but I have to go. Apparently this is my time and I'm ready Dougs. I don't want to leave you but I have to. Just remember, stay strong and live for me Dougie. Do everything I couldn't. Write a kick ass album, sell out a worldwide tour, fall in love, get married, have kids, travel the world. Please Dougs. I'll always love you. I'm so glad I got to love you before I go and I'll always look out for you and love you. But please Dougs. You can't spend your whole life pining after me. You have to live it. Fall in love again. You will Dougs. You'll find a lovely man who will love you forever, the way I will. You'll marry him and have beautiful kids. Don't forget me. But move on. Please Dougs" Danny fell silent at this, having spent all his energy on this one speech. Dougies heart broke a little bit more.

"Oh Danny, I will. For you. But I'll never stop loving you Danny, not as long as I live" Dougie proclaimed in a desperate voice. Suddenly, he drew a small box out of his pocket. Opening it, he dropped onto one knee. Danny looked in it and gasped. Inside the velvet lined box was a beautiful, simple gold band.

"Marry me Danny" Dougie said simply.

"Yes Dougie. Oh yes I will and I'll love you forever" Danny cried and Dougie slipped the ring onto his thin finger. Climbing into Dannys bed, he carefully embraced him around the various wires and tubes leading into Danny.

"Hush now my love" Dougie whispered. "Sleep and I'll be here in the morning"

Danny and Dougie shared a tender, loving kiss full of hope and promise.

It was the last kiss they shared. Danny died that morning in his lovers arms.

Dougie tried to live, he really did. But a world without Danny wasn't a world at all and he died a mere three weeks later of a broken heart.

Danny received Dougie back with open arms and a loving kiss. They were together for an eternity, the way it was meant to be.

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><p><em><strong>AN You know the drill. Now you've read it's time to REVIEW. YAAAAAAY. I'll love you if you do, and give you a virtual cookie. I would give you a real one, but I can't :L  
>REVIEW. Kisses <strong>_


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